At the Foot of the Cross Where My Heart Is Torn in Two

I went to the foot of the cross during a prayer meeting at church a number of years ago. I knelt there, rested my hand on the wood, and bowed my head.  I knew it wasn’t the actual cross Jesus was crucified on, but I imagined it was:

I imagined Jesus looking down at me as He suffered, His blood running down and flowing over the rough, splintered wood before reaching my fingertips. I sobbed, imagining His face swollen and beaten, His eyes mere slits. But He was able to see me as I knelt there, my heart tearing in two.  I hated the idea of His suffering and at the same time, I was so deeply thankful because I knew He was saving me in a way I never could.

As He hung there struggling to breathe, agonizing in ways I could never imagine, I wondered if my being at the foot of the cross, perhaps, brought Him a small moment of comfort. Perhaps He saw me here at this moment two thousand years later, surrendering my heart to Him, my King, the Lover of my Soul; my heart was torn in two, wide open for Him to enter in.

I gave Him then, as I do today, all of my brokenness and my torn heart because I love Him with all that I am, all that I have to give.

My God. My God.  How I adore and honor Your Son!  How I want to take Him in my arms and hold Him and take away His suffering as a mother does for her child and ease the agony of my own heart that breaks.  And yet, I know He is King and it must be this way.  I cannot rescue Him for He is the One who rescues me.

My Savior, Jesus, My King. How I worship You and honor You! I fall here at the foot of Your cross and I cry out to You with thanksgiving.  Thank You for taking the punishment that was mine.  Thank You for carrying this overwhelming burden for me.  It would have suffocated me the moment I tried to carry it.

And thank You for loving me in such a way I can’t possibly fathom but only humbly accept and cherish, treasuring it in my heart and holding it as close as my own breath.

One day, Jesus, I will run to You as I’ve imagined in my dreams, and I will throw my arms around You to thank You. Perhaps I will give You such a bear hug like I’ve never hugged anyone before.  Perhaps I will kiss Your cheek, hoping to remove the sting of betrayal from Judas, replacing it with deep adoration as joyful tears soak both of our faces.  Or perhaps I’ll collapse before You and fall apart, sobbing at Your feet because there is no way I can ever thank You or love You enough.

I imagine at that moment You’ll help me to stand and You’ll take me in your arms and hold me, letting me cry and whispering in my ear words I can’t hear or even imagine just yet. Oh, the sound of your voice so near and the warmth of your arms.  I know I will be loved more deeply than ever before, the shadow of the cross behind You and light reflecting from You as You lead me into eternity in Your arms.  Those arms that hurt for me, that hurt for all of Your children, so long ago.  You wanted to hold us, and the cross was the only way.

The cross was the only way. And so today I kneel here in my heart at the foot of the cross, tears falling freely again, as I see You there, suffering for me. I bow my head and from my torn heart I cry until it splits open even deeper, widening the depths of my heart to love You even more.

Thank you, Jesus.

“It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.” (Luke 23: 44-46 NIV.)

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21 NIV.)

I originally wrote this post a few years ago. I can’t add or change anything. I still feel the exact same way – Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

 

Forgotten and Ignored

Have you ever felt forgotten or ignored? Maybe you’ve been passed over or pushed off to the back burner like you’re an old pan and your contents, well, they’re not that important so it won’t matter if they grow cold.

Other things come first. That is, until you’re needed. Then you’re called upon and pulled to the front of the stove with a strong tug. You’re given attention and great care. All of a sudden you matter. All of a sudden you’re not invisible anymore.

But you hold your breath because you know it’s going to happen again. It’s a cycle you’ve come to expect.

You’re called upon when you’re needed but not when you’re in need.

When you’re in need, you suffer quietly. Alone. You pray someone will reach out, that someone will answer your call. You hope someone will send you a word of encouragement because you’re fresh out and you’re struggling just to get through the day. So you push through and keep going.

Your schedule keeps you busy, sometimes too busy. No one knows all you try to accomplish in a single day, all the demands you try to meet, and all those you try to help because God has tucked their pictures gently into the folds of your heart. And you want to help, you want to be there. You really do.

But today, you’re empty. You’re like a lone bench abandoned in the snow. Waiting and hoping for God to rescue you because you know He will. He always does. Thank you, Lord.

But why is this awful feeling of dejection lingering so long this time? Where is God and why is He taking so long? While you’re waiting, you ask Him to teach you through it; to bring something good from all of this.

He reminds you of your daily prayer: More of You, Lord. I want more of You.

You find yourself getting mad. What sort of answer is buried in all this pain?

You begin to realize having more of God means being more like Jesus and walking in His footsteps, including some of those that bring pain.

Jesus felt every bit of what you’re feeling right now and so much more.

He was abandoned by those closest to Him, ignored, pushed aside, and forgotten. (Isn’t this happening a lot today?) But when there was a need, people flocked to Him.

Experiencing loneliness and abandonment softens your heart. Not right away, of course. At first you strike out in anger (or pull back in tears) and you try to stop giving and you try to stop caring. You try to harden your heart. But God won’t hear of it.

Why?

He wants your heart to be malleable to His touch (and His alone) so He can use you and your pain to reach out in a very real way. You see, when your heart has been beaten, it becomes so tender that you not only sympathize with those who feel invisible and those who are ignored, but you empathize. You feel their pain and you understand their suffering because you’ve been there.

And when you reach out to them, they see it. They know you’ve been there. And they see God in you. (So in a sense, your suffering draws them closer to God.)

And YOU get to see your Savior more clearly, understanding a little more of what He went through to come and love you right where you are today.

“He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.” (Isaiah 53:3 MSG.)

“For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.” (1 Peter 2:20-21 ESV.)

Your Shield

Last week I watched our littlest fur baby suffer before passing away. It was just awful, and I cried out to God asking, “Why don’t you do something?” I realized I was mad at God all over again. (See more here.)

But before I could look back at the past and focus on the other times I’d watched loved ones suffer from cancer or the times we lost other fur babies to sickness and disease, before I could really start questioning God and start pointing my finger at Him (forgive me, Lord), I heard His still, small voice whisper:

“He’s after your faith.”

I’d heard God whisper those very words to me another time in my life when I had too many questions and not enough answers. And when those questions came fast, leaving holes of doubt burning in my heart with no answers to act as salve, I became an easy target.

Satan is after my faith. Perhaps he’s after yours too. He knows if he can get our faith, if he can take our shield of faith, then we’re open to whatever he throws at us. We’ll be exposed and he can pierce our lives with his lies, causing us to pull away from God.

That’s just what Satan wants to do and he will fight as dirty as he needs to so we will turn away from God.  He will attack us when we’re empathizing, when we’re in agony over someone else’s suffering. We feel helpless while we feel their pain. We hurt with them, crying out for mercy, and we wait for it to come. (It’s like holding your breath for too long while you’re under water and your chest starts to burn.)  We’re physically drained and mentally exhausted so we loosen our grip on our faith.  In that very moment Satan strikes with a fierce lie:  God doesn’t care. It’s a poisonous lie from the father of lies that will spread if you don’t see it for the deceptive trash that it is.

My friend, God DOES care. He knows when a sparrow falls. He created everything on this great big planet and knows their intricacies.  Those gossamer wings of a butterfly, the highest peak of a snowcapped mountain, they have His touch.  Your tender heart, the way things move you to tears and hurt you deeply, He created those fragile and delicate areas in you. He knows how to comfort you and love you when you agonize in those places.

I realized something when I fell apart last week: God strengthens our faith and protects us while we’re hurting. When we’re too weak to lift our shield or to carry our faith another step, He doesn’t just walk away, leaving us slumped on the floor alone and in tears.  He comes to us, meets us right there on the floor, and covers us with His arms and reminds us:

“I am your shield.”

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.” (Psalm 28:7a NIV.)

 

 

Below the Surface

There’s a great big world out there with a lot of people quietly suffering. On the surface we see the happy smiles and we hear the “I’m fine,” response when we ask how they’re doing.  But below the surface there is great pain.

Maybe this is you.  Maybe you get up in the morning and go about your day, while beyond those shallow areas of your life, those areas you let others get a glimpse of, you’re agonizing.  Maybe you feel like you’re drowning and no one cares.  Maybe you’re overwhelmed with illness or debt or violence or drugs.  Maybe you feel trapped in a relationship that brings you pain or maybe you feel locked into a situation you can’t break free from.

Let me tell you my friend, God sees you.  He not only sees the surface stuff you show the world, but He sees your heart.  He knows what’s keeping you up at night.  He knows what makes you cry when you’re in the shower.  He knows what steals your breath and your joy and what’s suffocating you right there in the middle of your life.  And He cares about you so deeply, reaching far below the surface.

God is the One who never leaves you or forgets about you.  He promises.  And He never lies and He never breaks a promise. Thank you, Lord.

You may hear all sorts of things as you go throughout your day.  You may hear that you’re a failure and you’ll never amount to much; this may be all in your own thoughts or literally from others.  Perhaps you’ll hear that it’s too late for you; you had your chance and you blew it and you’re beyond hope.  You may hear you’re all alone and you’re going to stay that way because you’re pathetic and really unlovable.  Or maybe you’ll hear that people in your life would be better off if you weren’t around.

Those are lies.  Every one of them.  Don’t try to make them “half” truths either.  Like, “Well I have failed so many times so maybe I won’t amount to much.”  Did you ever think that those “failures” are part of a greater design for you becoming YOU.  If you hadn’t “failed,” you’d keep going in that direction and perhaps that is not what God wants for you.  So He allows you to stumble a bit so when you regain your footing, you have time to see another path, another door opening that you never would have seen if you ran off in the wrong direction.  Is that failure?  Not hardly.

I don’t know exactly why God led me to write this or who this is for.  But God knows.  And He knows you my friend.  Trust that He sees your suffering all the way down to the very core.  With God in your life, you never suffer alone and suffering is only temporary when you consider an eternity of peace with Him.  You have an amazing hope to live for now and to look forward to.  Don’t let Satan or anyone else steal God’s promises from your heart.

And if you’re reading this and you’re not one who is suffering below the surface, please take a moment to pray for eyes that see and ears that hear that you may be aware of those around you who are suffering.  Maybe God will use you to wrap your arms around them and whisper, “God’s got you my friend.”

Yes.  God’s got you my friend.  Wherever you are in this great big world, I’m praying for you right now.  You are not alone.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”  (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV.)

God’s Reflection

I was sitting in the doctor’s office surrounded by all different types of people:  an elderly woman with a cane shouting to the friend at her side, a toddler with his arms reaching high as his mother walked him out the door, a couple with dark skin laughing and drinking coffee, and another couple with lighter skin talking about a cat.

The news report of another violent protest blared from the television set mounted on the wall.  Differences causing so much hate.  The sound filling the room has sadly become so common.

I started to think about the people around me:  the woman across from me filling out papers with a dark braid and long skirt, the young man on his phone beside me.  Were they getting numb to it all?

There would probably be a thousand different opinions in that one office about any number of topics.

But what if we look at the faces instead of the opinions?

I know.  It’s hard when the opinions are so loud, distorting faces into rage.

But what if we look, really look, at those faces and ask God to help.  We may notice something a little different:  those individuals, regardless of opinions, were created in the image of God.

The news in the doctor’s office shifted to victims of massive flooding.  Images of total devastation flashed from the screen; cars submerged and homes flooded beyond repair.  An exhausted elderly woman still clinging to her cane was carried out of waist-deep water while a toddler in a yellow raincoat wore an expression of fear with eyes opened too wide for tears to come.

Do you see their faces?  They too were created in the image of God.

We have a choice, my friends:  We can join in, take our swings, and start throwing punches physically, verbally, or even on social media when violent protests ensue and in the meantime simply ignore those suffering in the world.

Or we can focus on God and pray for those consumed with hate, intercede on their behalf, and love them as we’re supposed to do as we catch a glimpse of God within them. And we can pray for and reach out to those in need, those suffering great loss, those who need to see the face of their Creator staring back at them through a compassionate hug, a warm place to sleep, and food and clean water to know hope is not lost.

Will you choose to see God’s reflection in all of His children?  If you do, you will see we are really not that different after all.

The choice is yours.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”  (Genesis 1:27 NIV.)

There is Screaming in the World Today

This world can be a painful place.  Cancer is ravaging are loved ones.  Alzheimer’s attacks without mercy.  Heroin torments and often kills.  And children are suffering from hunger, neglect, and all sorts of horrific abuse.

Somewhere in all of this, there is screaming.

Can you hear it?  If you quiet yourself, you can.  Those suffering are screaming from the pit of their souls, crying out for help.  Just a touch or a word.  Something to give them hope that it will get better, that there is more to life than pain.

That’s where God comes in.  Only sometimes He chooses to use your hands to touch them, your mouth to encourage them, your time to spend with them, and your money to provide for them.

Are you letting Him?  Or are you keeping your mouth shut when you should speak up?  Are you keeping your hands, and the rest of you, so busy that God can’t possible use them or you? Or maybe you’re keeping your hands wrapped so tightly around your money that He can’t use that either.

“It’s mine,” you say as you dig your nails in deeper, forgetting that God is the One who blessed you with it.  “And I don’t have any time.  I’m too busy.”

So while you’re busy keeping quiet, busy holding on to your checkbook, someone else is screaming in God’s ear.

What does God see in all of this?  Everything of course.  He sees His children, one hurting and crying out for help while the other with a heart too hard, too stubborn and self-absorbed to help.

Which child are you?

There is so much screaming in the world today.

Are you one of them?

My dear friends, let me pray for you now:

Heavenly Father, You see those reading this, right now, right where they are. Father God, You are an amazing Father, so loving and so faithful.  I pray You reach them in whatever way You choose.  I pray You call upon those You want to use to bless them in their need, and I pray You help them to hear You and be obedient.  Lord, I pray You ease their suffering and You comfort them while they are alone, while they are in a crowd trying to put on a good face.  I pray You come along side of them, making Yourself so very real to them that they can’t help but know You even more through this pain.  Lord, I don’t know their needs.  But You, Almighty God, You know everything and NOTHING is too hard for YOU.  So I pray, Lord, for Your mighty hand to touch, to heal, to comfort, and to hold them.  And Lord, I pray You teach them through it all to call upon You.  That YOU are not ignoring their pain, that You see them when they cry, and that You are the One who can dry each tear they try to keep silent.  With you, Father, we are safe and loved and protected.  Please Lord, touch them now.  It’s in the precious, holy, and powerful name of your Son, Jesus Christ I pray these things.  Amen.

Perhaps your voice is not one screaming.

Surely you can hear those who are.  And surely you can help by allowing God to use your arms to hug someone discouraged, to speak encouragement and hope to someone struggling, to provide financially for a need, or to pray for someone suffering a physical devastation, linking them to the One who can comfort and heal.

Will you let God use you today?

“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” (Hebrews 13:16 ESV.)

Below the Surface

There’s a great big world out there with a lot of people quietly suffering. On the surface we see the happy smiles and we hear the “I’m fine,” response when we ask how they’re doing.  But below the surface there is great pain.

Maybe this is you.  Maybe you get up in the morning and go about your day, while beyond those shallow areas of your life, those areas you let others get a glimpse of, you’re agonizing.  Maybe you feel like you’re drowning and no one cares.  Maybe you’re overwhelmed with illness or debt or violence or drugs.  Maybe you feel trapped in a relationship that brings you pain or maybe you feel locked into a situation you can’t break free from.

Let me tell you my friend, God sees you.  He not only sees the surface stuff you show the world, but He sees your heart.  He knows what’s keeping you up at night.  He knows what makes you cry when you’re in the shower.  He knows what steals your breath and your joy and what’s suffocating you right there in the middle of your life.  And He cares about you so deeply, reaching far below the surface.

God is the One who never leaves you or forgets about you.  He promises.  And He never lies and He never breaks a promise. Thank you, Lord.

You may hear all sorts of things as you go throughout your day.  You may hear that you’re a failure and you’ll never amount to much; this may be all in your own thoughts or literally from others.  Perhaps you’ll hear that it’s too late for you; you had your chance and you blew it and you’re beyond hope.  You may hear you’re all alone and you’re going to stay that way because you’re pathetic and really unlovable.  Or maybe you’ll hear that people in your life would be better off if you weren’t around.

Those are lies.  Every one of them.  Don’t try to make them “half” truths either.  Like, “Well I have failed so many times so maybe I won’t amount to much.”  Did you ever think that those “failures” are part of a greater design for you becoming YOU.  If you hadn’t “failed,” you’d keep going in that direction and perhaps that is not what God wants for you.  So He allows you to stumble a bit so when you regain your footing, you have time to see another path, another door opening that you never would have seen if you ran off in the wrong direction.  Is that failure?  Not hardly.

I don’t know exactly why God led me to write this or who this is for.  But God knows.  And He knows you my friend.  Trust that He sees your suffering all the way down to the very core.  With God in your life, you never suffer alone and suffering is only temporary when you consider an eternity of peace with Him.  You have an amazing hope to live for now and to look forward to.  Don’t let Satan or anyone else steal God’s promises from your heart.

And if you’re reading this and you’re not one who is suffering below the surface, please take a moment to pray for eyes that see and ears that hear that you may be aware of those around you who are suffering.  Maybe God will use you to wrap your arms around them and whisper, “God’s got you my friend.”

Yes.  God’s got you my friend.  Wherever you are in this great big world, I’m praying for you right now.  You are not alone.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”  (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV.)