The Ride of Our Lives

 

My husband was driving and our daughter was in the backseat as I held the map and “helped” watch for danger on the highway. (Note: I help by pointing everything out, overreacting by slamming my foot to the invisible brake on the passenger-side floorboard, and driving everyone around me nuts. Basically.)

But dangers on the road are all too real. You and I know that. We have to watch for drivers texting, deer or armadillos (still waiting to see a LIVE one) making the mad dash to the other side, and airplanes.

Yes, you read that right. Airplanes.

We could see the small plane miles up ahead, and I can honestly tell you I thought it was a drone or a remote controlled plane someone was using to scare drivers by dive-bombing them.

But the closer we got, the more we could see it was not a teeny tiny plane someone was maneuvering with a remote control, but a life-sized one, circling the highway and disappearing behind a group of trees.

It appeared, circled around again, and plummeted, aiming for the other lane of traffic. My hand went to my mouth, and I gasped.

But the plane didn’t crash. (Thank you, Lord!) And when we drove past the group of trees, we could see the pilot was actually in full control, crop dusting.

It made me think about God and how He is in full control of our lives.  But some of us (ahem…me) think they know what’s going on. We trust our eyes or our minds and think we have it all figured out when really, we don’t have a clue.

It’s easy to trust what we see, but it’s not always right. It’s easy to believe the plan we have in our minds must be what God put there because we want it so much. But that’s not always the case.

His plan is always going to be better. Easy? Probably not. Worth all the gasping and holding on and crying out to Him? Absolutely.

We may even feel like we’re plummeting to the ground and can’t stop ourselves from crashing, like the controls are broken and we can’t set things straight.

But wouldn’t it be like God to rescue us just when we’re about to give up and into despair, thinking it’s all over?

When we finally let go of our measly remote controls and surrender to Him, we’ll know without a doubt the rescue, the honor, and the glory all belong to Him.

All we have to do is trust Him, lean in closer, and hang on for the ride of our lives.

“My help and glory are in God – granite-strength and safe-harbor-God – So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be.” (Psalm 62:7-8 MSG.)

(Photo from Pexels)

 

 

 

Eating Pizza with a Thankful Heart

I remember eating strawberries with our daughter while she was in her highchair, and by the time I got to work, my eyelids were swelling and itching like crazy.

That was about twelve years ago.

What followed was a skin test that revealed I shouldn’t eat strawberries, shellfish, or legumes and that my throat would close if I ate peanuts. (Thankfully I was given an epinephrine shot after that test!)

A few years later, I started getting sick all the time. I dealt with severe stomach pains, fatigue, bloating that was so bad I’d start the day in jeans but by the end of the day had to switch over to sweatpants, hives that once grew to the size of silver dollars and sent me to the doctor for a shot, and some other unpleasant symptoms.

I was given a blood test for food allergies. I tested positive to over fifty foods. Fifty.

I cried a lot that day.

I tried not to talk about it too much, but I was deeply discouraged and depressed. There wasn’t anything anyone could do. I was simply told to avoid those foods. Of course I didn’t mind staying away from radishes and Brussel sprouts, but I hated giving up wheat, milk, and tomatoes which translated in my brain to one word: pizza. (Sure, I cheated sometimes. But I paid for it for days.)

But the worst part wasn’t saying goodbye to my friend, Mr. Pepperoni and Cheese Pizza, it was the social aspect, the feeling of not be able to join in when there were meals at church or going out with friends to dinner. Oh sure, I could go, but it was downright painful to look at all the food I couldn’t eat (the wonderful, rich, and delicious varieties of food) knowing I should stick with a salad (no cheese, tomatoes, or croutons, please!) and the dressing I made at home. I was asked if I was on a diet, why I didn’t eat more, and sometimes caught glances that said something like, “Wow. You sure are a picky eater.”

What did I do about it? Well after I cried a lot (I already mentioned that, didn’t I?), I went to God. More than I cried. I begged and pleaded. I prayed and prayed. I read Scripture about His healing. I read verses about hardship and perseverance. I read about Paul’s thorn and God’s grace.

And I went to the altar. I went forward during church services at our home church (then and now), when we were visiting other churches, during revivals. I was seeking God’s healing touch while I was in the store looking for xanthan gum and quinoa flour, while I was mixing my salad dressing and packing lunches at home, when I was making the trip to buy bulk rice and tapioca flours.

God knew what I was going through. Of course He did. But He didn’t heal me.

Not until October 28, 2018.

It was a Sunday, and our Pastor asked if anyone wanted to come forward. I can’t remember everything he said, but I know I heard, “If you want more of God…”

I was on my feet. I wasn’t thinking about food. Not one bit. I just wanted to be immersed in God’s presence.

And I was. God wrapped me up in His glorious presence and brought me to the floor and knocked those food allergies right out of my body. (Praise God!!)

I can’t even explain how my heart swells, how thankful I am when I stare at a plate of food (like pizza!) I can actually eat and enjoy; one that no longer sends me to bed for hours in my sweatpants or makes my face break out in hives. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve giggled over the taste of something I haven’t eaten in years or the kid-in-a-candy-store face I’m sure I make when I get to visit the buffet at a restaurant with friends.

There is so much more to write, dozens of things I’m learning from all of this; obeying God by using wisdom and moderation is a biggie. (An example of wisdom: the pizza I found in our freezer and used in the above photograph expired in 2017! So even though it smelled great when I heated it in the microwave for its little photo shoot, I’m throwing it out! 🙂 )

But today, my friend, I need to leave you with a few things I learned that I hope will help you if you’re struggling:

Don’t give up. Never. Ever. No matter what lie the enemy is whispering. No matter what’s going on with someone else. You. Keep. Going.

Keep seeking God. Always. In all things.

Trust God’s timing. Seriously.

Don’t be discouraged in your waiting. Take a deep breath. I know it’s hard. But you’re going to make it. Hang in there.

And always remember: God’s got you, my friend. He sees you. He knows you. And He cares.

Always.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV.)

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8 NLT.)

“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” (Luke 18:1 NIV. This is the parable of the persistent widow.)

 

Focusing on God

Do you struggle with past failures? I do. And sometimes it can be really hard during quiet days because the enemy tries to sneak his lies into our thoughts:

You totally messed up.

You really hurt them.

You call yourself a Christian?

They never wanted you around anyway.

You don’t matter.

You’re replaceable.

They’re waiting for you to fail.

Suffocating? Good.

Feel that squeeze? Even better.

God is so disappointed in you.

Now wait just a minute. When you set your focus on following God instead of pleasing everyone else, God is NOT going to be disappointed in you.

So just relax. Whatever game the enemy is trying to play, put up your hand and say, “I’m out.” (Or you can whisper, “Jesus” or start singing and praising God and that old devil will flee!)

And you don’t have to follow the enemy when he tries to take you on his twisted ride down memory lane, searching for what you may or may not have done wrong.

Pray and ask God what you can do about it today. If He tells you, “Just keep your eyes on Me,” then you have your answer. If He tells you to make a call, pray, or forgive someone (that someone could be YOU!), then obey Him.

Always, in all things, obey God and trust that He has every right answer and every right step you will ever need to take. (Thank you, Lord!)

Just like a lovely blossom that grows from a cactus, there is beauty and surprising wonder in the battle for our souls when we focus on following God and pleasing Him and Him alone.

And there is always victory.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.” (Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV.)

Damaged

I was excited to open the box of new pots and pans my mom sent us for Christmas a few years ago, but the largest glass lid had shattered and the pieces were scattered throughout the box like jagged diamonds.

I had no idea what happened to that box after the pans and their lids had been packed, the box taped up and sent on its way. I didn’t know how many trucks it had been loaded on or if someone had haphazardly tossed it or dropped it. I just knew it was damaged when it got to me.

Have you been damaged along the way to where you are now? Has someone carelessly hurt you or tossed you aside, discarding your heart as if it were made of stone and not a fragile part of who you are?

I’ve been there. Many times. Broken relationships, betrayal from those I trusted wholeheartedly. Those who tried to manipulate and control my life at a time when I didn’t fully trust God; a terrible consequence for looking to others instead of Him but a valuable lesson indeed.

I often wondered if I would ever “get back” to me. If I was too far gone, too broken, or too damaged. Maybe you’re there today, wondering if you’ll ever heal completely or if the wound will remain open and painful.

Or maybe you’re slowly recovering with God’s help. But every time you’re in a similar situation or a new relationship starts to develop, you can’t help but hold your breath as you anticipate the sting.

So you shrink back. You pull away. You withdraw and seek God, asking Him to help you as you bury yourself in His arms again.

But you hope others will understand, that they might consider what has happened to you along the way; what careless words cut you or toxic relationship left you scarred. You pray they won’t take it personally as you wait on God to tell you what to do and how to move forward.

You don’t want this to go on forever, and you know God is working on you. You’ve come so far, really. But others might not see that. They don’t know how many thousands of fragments God has already healed in your shattered heart, how many times He’s helped you to breathe during those situations that used to steal your breath.

You hope they know you’re trying.

You’re not trying to be the same person you once were but a better you. You want to learn from your past, grow from your mistakes. You want to be so on fire for God that those who try to control or manipulate you again will recoil from the heat.

You want more of God. More than anything.

And you find yourself hoping a few of those diamond-like shards of your shattered heart remain because now you understand how His love has strengthened you and how it reflects even brighter through such broken places to those who are also damaged.

Those who need to know God is totally trustworthy and so very close.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18 NLT.)

“I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’” (Psalm 31:12,14 NIV.)

Trust: After You’ve Been Hurt

If you’ve ever been hurt before, you know how hard it can be to trust again. You wonder if there’s another devastating blow around the corner, another crushing moment if you open yourself up again.

You’ve been burned and you’re not sure how to come back from it, how to recover anything good from the pile of ashes.

My friend, God sees the remnants. He sees what you think is hopeless. He sees the thick layers of anger and regret. He wants to peel those away, stop the bitterness from burrowing deeper into you, and bring something good, something powerful from all of this.

It may not be what you envisioned. It may not be where you imagined He would direct you. All He asks is for you to trust Him and follow His lead.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Trusting.

Your heavenly Father understands. The day you were hurt, He was hurt too. When you fell apart, when the careless words pierced you, when everyone else left you to deal with it alone, He was the One who stayed with you. He never left your side.

God wants to lift you up. He wants to heal your brokenness. He wants to bind your wounds and restore your joy. He wants you to laugh until your tears flow and your side aches.

He wants to bring you back. Back to the life He’s always planned for you. Back to the life He created just for you before you took a wrong turn, before you listened to everyone else but Him, and before your spirit was crushed.

God wants to bring you back to the place where you can breathe again, sleep at night, and feel close to Him. He doesn’t want your fear of trusting to affect your relationship with Him. He has never let you down, and He’s not about to start now.

Letting you down or giving up on you is not in His character.

But loving you more deeply than you can understand and never leaving your side…not only is that the very nature of His character, but it’s what He does.

That’s a truth you can trust.

So let go. Let go of the past. Let God peel away those thick layers of anger and regret you’ve been using as a shield to block the world from hurting you again.

And let God in.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3 NIV.)

“Blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.” (Proverbs 16:20b NIV.)

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25 NIV.)

When God is Silent

Have you ever cried out to God only to be met by silence? You don’t get any answers, you don’t feel peace, and the only sound you hear is your own sobbing as your heart breaks.

Maybe you’ve even wondered, “Where are you, God? Don’t you care about me? Don’t you see what’s happening?”

I once asked God those very words. (For those of you who know me, you’ve probably heard this story. What can I say? I’m still learning from it.)

Years ago, I had questions for God, life-altering questions, so I went in our backyard to get away from everyone and everything. I needed silence. I needed to hear God in that silence.

Only God didn’t answer me. So I asked Him to let me see a butterfly if He cared about me. Just a glimpse, Lord. I looked all around our yard, in the trees that surrounded me, and in the grass. No butterfly.

I felt as if something inside of me had completely broken.

Days went by and I was so discouraged and deeply depressed. No one could help or offer any comfort. This was between God and me. And how I saw it during that painful silence, God let me down.

At that time, I had a job cleaning the church we attended. I grabbed my cleaning supplies and started on the outside of the glass doors. I noticed a moth trapped in a spider’s web on the door frame and did my best to rescue it from that monster. (What can I say? I really don’t like spiders.)

But when I finally pulled the moth free, I realized it wasn’t a moth at all: On my fingertip, I felt the gentle “pop” of a newborn, monarch butterfly’s wings as they opened for the first time; the dark, ginger-colored wings were still wet.

I held that butterfly for a long time. Watching in awe as it opened and closed its wings to dry them.

In that moment, God spoke so lovingly, so perfectly to my heart that I won’t ever forget it. He was telling me in a very real, very tangible way that He does hear me, He sees me when I cry, and He loves me enough to teach me the hard lessons.

The hard lesson of waiting on God. The hard lesson that sometimes He is silent.

Perhaps you’re there today, waiting on God, asking for an answer, and you’re being met by His silence.

My dear friend, please understand that God loves you more than you and I can possibly understand. You see, He is preparing you and teaching you to trust Him. He’s growing your faith in Him.

Just like the butterfly needs the struggle of emerging from the chrysalis in order to strengthen its wings so it can fly, we need the struggle to strengthen our faith so we learn to trust God more deeply as we walk closer to Him.

And when we walk closer to God, we learn the difference between His silence when we’ve disobeyed Him and sinned and need to repent, and when He is using the silence to teach us.

So if you’re hurting today and there is silence at the end of your prayer, don’t stop seeking God’s truth. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything, any sin that is keeping you from a closer walk with God.

And if you find silence at the end of that request as well, then remember God’s silence can be a temporary tool that teaches you about your loving Heavenly Father who never leaves you.

Even when He is silently holding you.

“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” (Hebrews 13:5b NLT.)

 

 

The View From My Window

We were driving 70 mph along the interstate, traveling between a semi-truck and a car whose driver had his nose buried in his cell phone. As always, I grabbed my door handle and reached with my foot for the invisible brake on the passenger floorboard. (Note: My invisible brake only works when my husband notices what I’m doing and instinctively uses the real brake over there on the driver’s side.)

Erratic driving. Speeding. Road rage. Texting while driving (please don’t do it!!). I saw a lot of things like that, scaring me into panic mode. I noticed a car swerving and when we began to pass it, I realized it was another driver texting, his head bobbing up and down as he tried to focus on the road a little and his phone a little more. Moments later, I saw a child strapped in a car seat playing with her feet, innocently riding in the car in front of the guy texting. It terrified me, really.

What did I do besides squirm, cringe, and reach for my handle?

I prayed. A lot.

I prayed for that child in the car seat. I prayed for the guy texting. I prayed for the young woman at the rest stop who was pacing in front of the open hood of her car while talking on her cell phone. I prayed for those riding on motorcycles, especially when they were pelted with heavy raindrops. And I prayed for the semi-truck drivers who were just trying to make a living in the middle of all the madness.

But God opened my eyes to more than those needing prayer, more than the Gateway Arch outside my window on our trip to visit family in Missouri:

Reminders.

I saw crosses. Small white crosses standing alone in front lawns. Three crosses standing tall on a hill. An enormous white cross, the surrounding buildings seemingly miniature in comparison. Crosses dazzled in the sunlight on the tops of churches and quietly rested in the shade alongside the highway as memorials.

They reminded me of Jesus and how His sacrifice has reached so far, changed so many lives, and touched and comforted so many hearts.

And I was reminded and encouraged when I read, “In God we trust.” I spotted those words across hundreds of miles of highway like lovely wildflowers that can’t be contained. They traveled in front of me on bumper stickers. They shouted from large decals on the backs of semi-trucks. I even noticed those words waving to me from across the street at a bank in a small town in Illinois when we stopped for gas.

Sometimes when we look out our window and all we see is madness, when the enemy tries to deceive us into believing the whole world has gone, well, mad, and we’re the only ones following Christ and we’re crazy in doing so, God reminds us of His truth and the fact that we’re not alone in our faith. We don’t have to travel this road alone. God is always with us.

And we have many brothers and sisters in Christ, right outside our window.

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT.)

 

 

 

 

A New Adventure with God

I’d like to tell you I’m brave and adventurous. But I’m not.  I’m a big fat chicken.  I used to be more courageous, more willing to throw caution to the wind and drive off to unknown places and hop on a plane to unfamiliar territory.  Back when I was young (so many moons ago) I didn’t care about taking risks so much because I was the only one at risk. It reminds me of the time I drove to Nashville on this great adventure to become a songwriter; the risk of leaving my job and the life I’d always known was all on my shoulders.  If I loved it and it all worked out, great.  If I failed, no big deal.  I was only failing myself.  I could always head home with the thought of, “Well at least I tried.”

But I’m much older now and the risks don’t just involve me. I’m married.  My husband and I have a daughter.  And the very idea of spur-of-the-moment, life-altering decisions makes me sweat.  I don’t like it.  I like predictability now.  I enjoy the time of day when my husband comes home from work with a kiss and listening for our daughter’s school bus stopping at the bottom of our drive.  I count on these things.  I count on fixing dinner, washing the dishes, and folding laundry.

But sometimes God isn’t calling us to a predictable life. I mean, how would our faith grow if things never changed, if challenges never surfaced, if we stayed on the same gravel road?  Sometimes God wants us to follow Him into the weeds, into the forest where we can’t see much of anything; trusting only His hand in ours and His gentle whisper.

That’s what I’m about to do. By writing this post, I’m stepping out in faith and clutching onto His hand.  I’m still very much afraid, but I’m trusting God to hold me when I’m feeling weak in the knees, when I don’t know what I’m doing, when I can’t see my hand in front of my face.  I’m trusting His Word:  “When I’m weak, then I’m strong.”  And I know I need His strength to stand, to follow His lead on this new path.

Inside, I’m still the little girl with dirt caked under my nails from making mud pies, still the tomboy with tangled hair and scraped-up knees from climbing trees, and I’m still the girl who trembles at the thought of standing up in front of a crowd to speak. But God is calling me to do that very thing, to talk about Him. Gulp.

It’s a new adventure. A new adventure with God.  But this is certainly no drive to Nashville.  I’m not by myself on this one.  I have the support of my family and friends.  And really, I have my Heavenly Father showing me which way to go.  I don’t need to have all of the answers or all the directions mapped out in advance.  I just have to accept God’s invitation to take a deep breath, grab His hand, and step out the door.

The benefits of this risk? A deeper walk with God as my faith grows.  Snuggling up closer to Him in my most profound moments of weakness, clinging to His Word for my very breath, and embracing the opportunity to connect with you, His children, in ways I can’t even imagine right now.

And I am deeply humbled and honored that God would even consider leading an old tomboy like me with tangles and dishpan hands on such an adventure.

Thank you, Lord. Please help me to serve You well.

“But he [the Lord] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV.)

Put on a Little Color

When I was a teenager my favorite attire was anything gray, dark gray, or light gray. You get the picture.  It would drive my Grandma nuts, and I’m pretty sure my Mom wasn’t too happy about it either.  Grandma would always say, “Why don’t you put on something with a little color?”

So when I heard God whisper that very same thing to me the past few days when I went to my closet, I thought, Really, Lord? Okay, if it means that much to You.  I found myself wearing turquoise one day and red the next. But something still wasn’t right.

Then I realized He wasn’t talking about my shirts but my socks. Okay, I’m about to reveal how goofy I am, so please be kind.  I am a fuzzy sock kind of girl.  The crazier the colors, the warmer and thicker, the better.  I mean, I wear them as long as I can until summer hits and my feet feel like they’re in a sauna and I have to pack them away for cooler days.

But why would God tell me to put on a little color and wear my crazy socks?

Because sometimes I take things way too seriously. I worry a LOT about the people in my life, circumstances I can’t control, writing deadlines, the food I buy, the fabric softener I use. I stress about money, our daughter’s braces, the car getting stuck in the driveway, and what needs fixed around the house and when will we be able to get to it.  I check and recheck my email (waiting to hear on writing projects) until frustrated sighs leave my lungs and hover over me like the Goodyear Blimp.  Meanwhile God is patiently waiting, sitting on the chair beside me, wondering when I’ll stop this frantic nonsense and turn to Him.

Worry has become a way of life for me, and God is telling me to knock it off.

He wants me to laugh more. He wants me to loosen up, let go, take a deep breath, get back into the kitchen and slide on the floor, turn up those 80’s songs I love so much and start doing my ridiculously silly dance moves while no one is here. No one.  Hmmm.  God is here.  And like any good father, He wants me to get silly and have some fun, to relax my grip on the reigns of my life.  Actually, He wants me to hand them over to Him.  Not just sort of, kind of, here you go and then snatch them back.  He wants me to really give them over to Him, so I can sit back and enjoy this ride we’re on together.

Sure I’ve got work to do. A lot of work.  But God knows if I keep stressing, keep overthinking, keep trying too hard, that I’m not really trusting Him to work things out the way only He can.  It means I’m still trying to do everything in my own strength which means I’m going to fall flat on my face, lying there like a pig in slop wondering what just happened.  Not fully trusting God is not really trusting God at all.

Lord, help me to trust you more and forgive me for my doubts.

Yes, I’m going to put on a little color today; a little more joy as I concoct a new gooey chocolate dessert just for fun that I’ll have smeared all over my face in no time. I’m going to giggle like the little girl I used to be (who loved walking in mud puddles, the mud oozing between my toes) as I dance in my fuzzy socks to the music I love. And I’m going to listen for the sound of my Heavenly Father’s voice as He laughs with me, giving me a big hug when I laugh myself into tears.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”  (Matthew 6:34 MSG.)

Waiting on the Sidelines

I was never very good at playing sports. Oh sure I liked to play volleyball in college, leaving a big crater in the sand where my body landed with a thud and hurling the ball to whack any unsuspecting spectators, but I was certainly no athlete.  Before sand volleyball I tried out for softball and basketball (never made the teams) and later joined track because they needed people.  There’s a confidence booster.  But when I broke my toe trying to throw discus and then hobbled over to my next event, shotput, I realized I was in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong thing.  My pride hurt about as much as my toe.

With my limited sports experience, I never had to wait on the bench for a turn. I was part of the volleyball team so I showed up and I played.  I was part of the track team so I showed up and I…broke my toe.  Ahem.  Anyway, I never had to prepare and then sit down and wait, and wait, and wait.

But I’m waiting now. I’m waiting on God.

Okay, I’m going to be brutally honest which will probably be more embarrassing for me than the whole toe story but here it is: I don’t like waiting.  I complain A LOT.  I get aggravated and frustrated and even mad.  I get upset with God and wonder what’s taking so long.  I wonder if I’ve disappointed Him, upset Him, let Him down and start to reason that THAT is the reason for the delay.  I’ve obviously screwed up somewhere so the aggravation and anger turn inward.  Then the lying enemy has a field day with me, tap dancing on my thoughts and kicking me in the teeth.

I try to fix things, hurry things along. I let go of God’s hand and run ahead of Him like I do every time the waiting takes too long.  I reason, “I’ll just do this and that while I’m waiting.  Start a small business, work on another writing project, start something brand new that sounds like fun.”  And then when things feel “off” I wonder why.  Could it be because I was with God and I let go of Him?!  Is not waiting really worth all of that?

What exactly am I waiting for? Well as some of you may know I’ve written a book and I’ve been waiting to hear back from the agent I submitted my proposal to.  (I’ve prayed for God’s will in this situation.)  In the meantime, I’ve felt like the waiting is going to kill me.  Yes, I’ve actually said that.  Sheesh, how ridiculous. I know.

But it’s not just the book I’m waiting to hear about but the next step. I love dreaming and planning and getting ready for the next big adventure with God.  And you see, there are a few of those spinning in my head that I’ve been praying about.  My problem is waiting to see which one God chooses for me.

I realize while I’m waiting on the book and waiting for God to pick the “new” He wants me to move forward with, I’m doing a lot of waiting. Mind you, I’m not sitting here staring at the house as the dust bunnies take over or as the laundry sprouts fingers and crawls out the door; I’m doing the things that need to be done. But my spirit aches for more of God and more of what He has for me to do.

So it seems I’m waiting on the sidelines after all. Yes, I can see myself sitting there on the bench with my legs dangling and kicking.  I’ve got my arms crossed and I’m wearing my uniform and pigtails; fitting for my earlier behavior. I anticipate my Coach calling me into the game any moment now.  He knows I’m here.  He hasn’t forgotten me.  It’s just a matter of time; His timing.

Meanwhile, I have a choice. I can give up, get all huffy, and storm off because I’m tired of waiting. Maybe I’ll go chase down a butterfly or take a picture of a flower. (Oh brother, I really DO those things.) OR I can wait here, study my playbook, and cheer on my fellow teammates as I trust and have faith in my Coach that He knows exactly when I’ll be ready.

I choose You, Lord, and Your timing.

 And if that’s you sitting beside me on the bench and you’re waiting for God to call your name too, I want you to know I’m praying for you.  Don’t give up.  I know waiting is hard work, but God has so much more for you than flowers and butterflies.  He’s going to call you at just the right time, and you’re going to be amazed at what He has for you.  Remember, He’s the One who parted the Red Sea.  He can do ANYTHING!

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”  (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT.)