The Suitcase – Letting Go

Hauling around past failures, regrets, and hurts in a ridiculously large suitcase (of course it’s large, there’s a lot of that stuff, right?) is exhausting. And just when you think you’ve got a good grip on it and can handle it, or maybe you’ve figured out how to hide it so you can forget about it, you find yourself tripping over the contents that have spilled out in an ugly display at your feet.

You hear laughter.

What in the world is going on? What are these painful things, these ugly memories doing all over the place? You loaded them up a long time ago and stashed the suitcase. Somewhere. In your closet or maybe in the basement where you store all the musty things from your past you hope to forget.

But there they are: the very details of your past glaring at you. They’re not forgotten at all but were merely hidden. And as you bend to pick them up and shove them inside, ONE MORE TIME, you realize this is like the millionth time you’ve done this and the simple act of touching these things again and hurrying to get them out of sight is absolutely draining.

Tears are landing in fat plops on that big failure of yours; the one where you think you let everyone down. And you feel sick to your stomach when you shove the memory of someone who unknowingly crushed your spirit back into the suitcase. What is it? A photograph? A note; the careless words used lightly, still weighing heavily on your heart? You’re not sure what it is, you can’t even see it because everything is a blur, but you can feel it in your hands. The pain is still very real. You give it a good crumple and thrust it back in the suitcase.

Your face is soaked and your heart is aching all over again as you shove all the garbage back where it belongs into the suitcase you plan to hide again. Only now, you can’t even close it.

Somehow, there’s more pain.

You fall to the floor in a heap and sob. You don’t know how to handle it anymore. There’s no one who sees all that you try to carry or all that you’re trying to hide. And now, it’s too full to close and too heavy to move.

Again, you hear some sort of sickening laughter.

Your head hurts and things are so blurry. The truth is even blurring. What was that you just thought a moment ago? No one sees you and all you’re trying to carry or hide?

That, my friend, is a lie. And you know who the father of lies is, don’t you? The enemy is the one who finds joy in your pain and laughs when you’re down. (Don’t be surprised if you notice a bunch of rocks hidden among the contents of your suitcase…each one is a lie meant to weigh you down even more.)

If the enemy can keep you slumped over and discouraged over your past, he’s going to do it. If he can stop you from letting go and moving on, well, he’s going to do that too.

The truth is GOD SEES YOU. He knows all about your suitcase and every article down to the most minute stitch of material, every crinkle on the papers and photographs, and every word on every note you’ve tried to ball up and forget. (Yes, He sees those rocks too. He crushes those lies into a fine powder and brushes them aside, right down the gutter.)

You know, God is the One who gave you the suitcase. Not so you’d carry everything around or stop and open it to relive the moments that have hurt you, remembering past conversations that cut you, or those so-called failures of yours.

Actually, those “failures” have drawn you closer to God so can you really call them that?

God will help you hang on to those important things. Those things that shine with truth. Those things that have made you stronger and have helped you become the person God wants you to be.

God didn’t give you the suitcase so you’d stash it somewhere, but so you could pack up all of that stuff and hand it over to Him. He’s the One who can carry it all. He’s the One who wants to. For you.

That’s how much He loves you. And that’s how much He wants to free you so you can move on to live the abundant life He has for you.

Hand it over, my friend. All of it. And let go.

“When he [the devil] lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44c NIV.)

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV.)

 “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13b-14 NIV.)

A New Year and a New Road

I’ve got a problem. I live in the past too much.

There’s nothing wrong with turning around and looking back.  It’s like using the rearview mirror when you’re driving.  You need to look back to see what’s going on for safety reasons, just like it’s important to look back at your past to learn from your mistakes, to protect yourself from making the same blunders.

But what if you’re actually staring back, your eyes fixed or glued on all you’ve done wrong and you keep reliving your mistakes over and over again?  It can be just as detrimental as driving while fixating on the view behind you.  You’d miss your turn, swerve into a ditch, or possibly rear-end the vehicle ahead of you.  Having your eyes glued to the rearview mirror is like living in the past.  It’s a dangerous way to live.

Are you reliving some of your relationships from your past, how great they were and how things have drifted so far?   But the sad truth is those people you remember so fondly don’t even know who you are anymore.  And really, you don’t know them either.  The whole thing can leave your heart aching for the past or harden it because the drifting has made you angry and you refuse to let something like that happen again.

Eventually, you start to drive faster to escape it all but you still keep looking back and you miss what’s right there in front of you, some wonderful blessing God has for you.

I went to God with all of this.  Like I said, I’ve got a problem with living in the past.  I remember things, people, and I ache for the way things used to be sometimes.  Do you know what God told me? Look for Me back there.

Really?  Why didn’t I think of that?  I started looking back specifically to search for God.  And He was there.  He was there when I was so depressed during junior high school, when I would sit on the top of this huge hill in our back yard and cry.  He had His arm around me.

He was there when I went off to college and thought drinking was a huge part of being there.  He was there protecting me, leading me back to my dorm room every time.

He was there when I was smiling at graduation, the sun skimming the top of the building and landing on my face.   His hands were warm on my cheeks as He kissed me on the forehead, only I didn’t know it was Him at that moment.  But I know now.

God was there when I met my husband, making my heart swell, and He was there in the hospital room when our daughter was born and she cried, strong and loud.  And again, He was with me in a hospital room years later when my Mom had a massive stroke, and again when my Dad had complications after quadruple bypass. He held me tighter than ever on those days, listening to my prayers, my tears, as I begged Him to help them.  And He did.  And He held me so gently, warmly when I stood at my Grandpa’s funeral in December years ago, and again in the warmer Missouri air at my Grandma’s gravesite in April.

So all the moments in my past when I really needed someone, God was there.  And yet, I see Him there by my side the countless times I’ve washed dishes or folded laundry, when I got up in the middle of the night all those times to give our daughter medicine, and every morning when I fixed coffee.  He’s always there when I look back, at every memory.

But I can’t live back there because the bad finds a way of mixing in with the good, and that’s where the pain can take hold and sprout into something ugly and harmful.  It’s time to take hold of those memories I have of God and all the good, the lasting relationships He’s brought into my life, and bring them with me as I look forward; like snapshots I can tape to the dashboard.

A new year is coming and I love the idea of new; a clean slate, endless possibilities on the horizon as I drive forward on this new road.  I can still glance back and remember the lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes, but it’s time to let my failures go, leave them in the dust, let them fade.

I’ve asked God to forgive me for all those things I’ve messed up and He has.  So now it’s time to drive, to put the windows down and feel the freedom rush over me.  No more regrets.  No more guilt.  No more shame.  Now it’s just the touch of God on my heart as He tells me which way to go.

And with His direction, my friends, we won’t miss our turn.

“But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 3:13b-14 NIV.)

 

 

 

A New Year and a New Road

I’ve got a problem. I live in the past too much.

There’s nothing wrong with turning around and looking back.  It’s like using the rearview mirror when you’re driving.  You need to look back to see what’s going on for safety reasons, just like it’s important to look back at your past to learn from your mistakes, to protect yourself from making the same blunders.

But what if you’re actually staring back, your eyes fixed or glued on all you’ve done wrong and you keep reliving your mistakes over and over again?  It can be just as detrimental as driving while fixating on the view behind you.  You’d miss your turn, swerve into a ditch, or possibly rear-end the vehicle ahead of you.  Having your eyes glued to the rearview mirror is like living in the past.  It’s a dangerous way to live.

Are you reliving some of your relationships from your past, how great they were and how things have drifted so far?   But the sad truth is those people you remember so fondly don’t even know who you are anymore.  And really, you don’t know them either.  The whole thing can leave your heart aching for the past or harden it because the drifting has made you angry and you refuse to let something like that happen again.

Eventually, you start to drive faster to escape it all but you still keep looking back and you miss what’s right there in front of you, some wonderful blessing God has for you.

I went to God with all of this.  Like I said, I’ve got a problem with living in the past.  I remember things, people, and I ache for the way things used to be sometimes.  Do you know what God told me? Look for Me back there.

Really?  Why didn’t I think of that?  I started looking back specifically to search for God.  And He was there.  He was there when I was so depressed during junior high school, when I would sit on the top of this huge hill in our back yard and cry.  He had His arm around me.

He was there when I went off to college and thought drinking was a huge part of being there.  He was there protecting me, leading me back to my dorm room every time.

He was there when I was smiling at graduation, the sun skimming the top of the building and landing on my face.   His hands were warm on my cheeks as He kissed me on the forehead, only I didn’t know it was Him at that moment.  But I know now.

God was there when I met my husband, making my heart swell, and He was there in the hospital room when our daughter was born and she cried, strong and loud.  And again, He was with me in a hospital room years later when my Mom had a massive stroke, and again when my Dad had complications after quadruple bypass. He held me tighter than ever on those days, listening to my prayers, my tears, as I begged Him to help them.  And He did.  And He held me so gently, warmly when I stood at my Grandpa’s funeral in December years ago, and again in the warmer Missouri air at my Grandma’s gravesite in April.

So all the moments in my past when I really needed someone, God was there.  And yet, I see Him there by my side the countless times I’ve washed dishes or folded laundry, when I got up in the middle of the night all those times to give our daughter medicine, and every morning when I fixed coffee.  He’s always there when I look back, at every memory.

But I can’t live back there because the bad finds a way of mixing in with the good, and that’s where the pain can take hold and sprout into something ugly and harmful.  It’s time to take hold of those memories I have of God and all the good, the lasting relationships He’s brought into my life, and bring them with me as I look forward; like snapshots I can tape to the dashboard.

A new year is coming and I love the idea of new; a clean slate, endless possibilities on the horizon as I drive forward on this new road.  I can still glance back and remember the lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes, but it’s time to let my failures go, leave them in the dust, let them fade.

I’ve asked God to forgive me for all those things I’ve messed up and He has.  So now it’s time to drive, to put the windows down and feel the freedom rush over me.  No more regrets.  No more guilt.  No more shame.  Now it’s just the touch of God on my heart as He tells me which way to go.

And with His direction, my friends, we won’t miss our turn.

“But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 3:13b-14 NIV.)