Alone in a Crowd

Alone. I’ve felt that way a lot. Who hasn’t? But what about when you’re surrounded by people?

You’re sitting by a campfire roasting a hot dog while your friends and family are chit-chatting about the last time you all got together; cousin Polly used sour cream to make deviled eggs when she ran out of mayonnaise, hoping no one would notice.

There’s laughter but it’s too light for you to hold onto, too difficult to join in. Besides, you’re concentrating on getting your hot dog just right. Not really. You’re focused on those golden flames as they lick the night air, wishing you could scream or cry. Maybe both. Instead, you just sit there as a part of the group knowing you’re totally apart from it.

Your mind is full. Your heart is heavy. You can’t explain it. Not to any of them. They don’t even see it. You smile at the right times. Nod your head when you need to agree. And you go on pretending that everything is okay even when it’s not.

You feel totally alone. Like no one would “get it” if you opened up and spilled the beans right next to the hot dogs. So you externally include yourself while internally you’re so far away they don’t even know it.

Alone. Totally alone in your thoughts and struggles. No one knows the real you and you don’t know how to let anyone in.

But God sees you.

God sees you right where you are with that hot dog that’s starting to burn. But you’re ignoring it because the tears are starting to come and you don’t want to turn away because someone might see. God knows everything that’s disappointed you and everyone that’s hurt you. He knows every failed dream and the one closest to your heart that you’re too afraid to pursue. He knows the scar tissue that’s hardened your heart and why you’re struggling to get rid of those walls you’ve put in place to keep people away.

He’s sitting beside you right now. His Holy Spirit is within you; He’s the One holding you and comforting you from the inside, helping you to keep it all together when you feel it’s all going to fall apart.

He’s got you. You don’t have to do it alone.

Have you ever noticed a couple in a crowd, one that’s connected so deeply you can tell they’re together by the secret conversations they have with a single glance? Their interlocked fingers held in a gentle embrace. The tender smiles reserved exclusively for one another. They almost seem to fade into the background of the room, untouched by the surrounding conversations. It’s as if they’re lost in the crowd when actually they’re losing themselves in each other.

Together. Solid. In sync.

That’s you and God. Your Creator. The One who knows you better than anyone else. And He’s not going anywhere. Not ever. So that would mean you’re never alone.

Not even in a crowd.

“God is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 MSG.)

A Distracting Itch

Have you ever been so eager to do something or desperate for change that you feel antsy, even itchy in your own skin?  It’s enough to drive you crazy.

Or enough to distract you.

Distract you from what?

Well if God has called you to do something but you’ve been pulled away by the “itch,” then perhaps you’re distracted from God and His will for your life.

Let me give you an example:

Like so many bloggers out there, I’ve written a book.  Correction: God and I have written a book.  It’s in the final revision process and it’s not going to go anywhere until I submit it, which I can’t do until it’s ready.  So I need to get to work.

Along comes fall, an extremely antsy time of year for me, and I’m ready to start something new and I want it to be big.  I’m ready to start a business, ready to find a job, ready to have an income to help my husband who’s been carrying the load for far too long.

So I look online at jobs and inquire about an opening I stumbled on while out running errands. I go to the library and search for hours for the right “business.”  I research online sales, craft, and baking ideas.

Why?  Because the itch to “do” is constant and won’t go away.

Meanwhile, the book lies dormant within my laptop.

And God is waiting on me.

I have a choice to make.  I can either abandon the task God has given me for a quick fix or I can go the long haul and finish what He and I have started.  Perhaps a blessing will come from the finished book.  Or perhaps the blessing will simply come from obeying Him.  Either way, I have to ignore that antsy feeling, forget about going my own way, and finish the book.

Satan would love it if you and I would never finish our God-given tasks because we’re too focused on the itch of our flesh.  The enemy will use whatever he can to distract us and lead us astray (read The Monster in the Closet ).  Remember, he’s at the head of the line when it comes to rebelling against God.

Are you feeling antsy, impatient in your spirt because the task God has given you is taking way too long?  Is your flesh itching to do something else and you’re not sure what to do about it?

Friend, pray about those antsy feelings and hold on tight to God’s hand.

It would be a real shame for you to let go of Him now just to scratch that annoying itch.  You may just miss what you’ve been praying for.

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16 NASB.)