I can think of a thousand blessings in my life, and I’m sure you can too. But what about those that line up with the desires of your heart; those blessings God withholds until you’re ready for them, those that bring Him honor and glory and leave you in awe that you, little old you, got to be a part of something so grand?
This of course is different for each of us. That sort of overwhelming blessing, I’ll call it a heart blessing, can be finding the spouse you’ve wanted to find for so very long. Or it may be to hold your child in your arms, inspecting those delicate eyelashes as tears rush right through your own. Perhaps it’s finding your purpose and standing right there in the middle of it all, you find yourself almost shrinking into yourself as you realize how important, how massive this moment is in your life.
Heart blessings. The desires of your heart become living, breathing realities.
God gives us more than just one.
I mean, our hearts are full, if we allow them to be, and over time they grow-up like the rest of us and our desires change.
When I was little, I wanted a pony, to be an astronaut, and to be a belly dancer (this one still makes me shake my head and laugh, especially when I pair it with “astronaut”). I wanted to be and do so many things, and as I look back, I thank God none of them happened. If they had, I may have been too busy dancing in outer space with my space pony to find two enormous heart blessings God had for me: my husband and our daughter.
And yet I find I’m nervous. Is it too much to keep dreaming? Too much to keep hoping for another desire to come to fruition?
It’s like I see this blessing I’m praying for as a firefly. It’s so close, so very real and lighting up before my eyes, but I’m afraid to touch it or my clumsy hands might hurt it or crush it. And once I get it, then what? Will I know how to handle it? Will I try to cram it into a mason jar and forget to take care of it, forget to poke holes in the lid?
That’s why I’m praying: Something so close and embedded within my heart needs God. He’s the One who can bring that delicate blessing right into my hand when it’s the right time. And if He chooses not to, I’ll trust Him. (He kept me from orbiting the earth with my tummy hanging out…why wouldn’t I trust Him?)
I smile as I think about the years I’ve chased thousands of “fireflies” and how I tried to grab them, jumping and reaching. Not yet, God must have whispered. And so the little girl in me, with chubby cheeks and pouty face, probably fought to hold back the tears. But I kept going outside. I kept watching and waiting for God to tell me when.
And now that I’m a grown woman, I’m sitting outside with God in the cool of the evening watching those fireflies. I’m enjoying just being in His presence, listening to Him whisper my name and laugh as I am still, and forever will be, the little girl who smiles at butterflies on my hand, deer coming close, and the way leaves sound when they applaud the wind.
I do hope for another heart blessing. One that has been with me since I was eight years old. But I’m learning there is another heart blessing that’s been a reality my entire life: my Heavenly Father. He loves me, knows me, and cares for me uniquely, powerfully, tenderly, and boldly. And knowing Him is the truest, deepest heart blessing any of us could ever have.
Funny, we can have that blessing whenever we want it. No chasing it down and trying to force it. All we have to do is ask, and God is there.
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4 NIV.)