Frustration

Have you ever had one of those days where everything you try fails?  Yesterday I tried to work on a few writing projects but found myself wanting to strangle my computer.  When I tried to switch gears and tackle cleaning our mudroom, I realized I couldn’t do it alone when most of the things that need evicted are not mine and I have no idea where to stash it all or what’s outgrown and needs to be donated.  Fine, I thought.  I’ll go for a walk.  But the reaction to something I ate kept me inside and away from the cascading leaves overhead and the crunchy ones underfoot.  I finally gave up my plans when it was time to cook dinner.

My plans.  I see it now.  That was my problem.  I asked God at the beginning of the day to help me write.  Maybe He wanted me to do something else.  Maybe He wanted me to push away from the computer and go outside for a walk earlier in the day when I felt up to it to meet with Him, to feel Him brush the hair from my forehead and kiss me right there by way of the warming sun.  Or maybe He wanted to carry on the conversation we’d had earlier when the house was quiet and our little corner of the world was still dark.  It was an amazing conversation over Scripture and my usual thousand questions.  And in my heart I heard Him answer and talk and even joke with me.  How awesome is that?!

So why did I feel I needed to hurry up and do?  Is it the world we live in?  Have I allowed myself to be programmed to accomplish something, anything so I feel worthy at the end of the day?  I don’t know.  But instead of asking God to help me accomplish my plans, maybe I should ask Him what He has in mind for us to do together.  I’m sure frustration wouldn’t dare peek its ugly head around the corner if I’m out walking with the One who painted those rich autumn leaves and provided the light for them to dance in.

Yes, Lord.  Let’s go for a walk.

breathe

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